Shhhh, listen. It's quiet here....

I am the coolest wife EVER. Sam took half the day off to go out to lunch and do some early drinking with our neighbor. Apparently neighbor and neighbor's brother-in-law roped him into going out to West Virginia (enter hillbilly banjos) to go to the titty bars. Sam was upfront with me and I was fine with it. Neighbor called and tried to feed me the bullshit story he is telling his wife and sister (to cover for his brother-in-law) and I was cool until the end when I said "Have fun at the titty bar." and he broke up laughing. Their wives would NOT be happy if they knew.

So now I get the whole evening to myself. My daughter is happily playing Webkinz on the other computer and my son is down the street at a friend's house. Why is it that when Sam is gone it is so much quieter and life is more relaxed? I love the man dearly but he is a huge source of crazy in this house......

Pain in the Neck. Literally.

The weekend before I left for Boston was pretty crazy even by our standards. I passed out on the floor of my neighbor's garage, peed on their daughter's bedroom floor, and then started all over again the next day at a friend of theirs house. We wound up staying the night on an inflatable mattress in their living room (no pee this time, thank GOD!) to avoid driving 45 minutes home severely impaired. Sleeping on that mattress really did a number on my neck and I only made it worse sleeping in an unfamiliar bed with too-hard foam pillows in Boston. To make matters even worse, I got hit from behind pretty hard while Formula 1 racing.

So today I mustered up the energy to trek off to the doctor and have my neck examined. She had me do some resistance exercises to prove that I CAN move it which I already told her I could. Problem being that it hurts like hell to move it. If someone walks up behind or beside me I turn my whole body to acknowledge them to avoid moving my neck. The doctor basically listened, patted my neck, listened to my breathing and gave me a prescription for Flexeril and Relafan. I'm no expert but how is a muscle relaxant supposed to do any good for me if I have to take it only when I go to bed because it will make me sleepy? What you've just told me is that I will only be relaxed when I sleep. Um ok. That is when I am pain-free anyway. The pain exists when I'm AWAKE.....

In Boston on St. Patrick's Day. Sick.....

Train was not all it was cracked up to be by the boss. Listening to extremely obnoxious investment banker on cellphone from Newark, NJ to Boston was not the highlight of the ride. Kicking her in the foot because she would not move her Jimmy Choo's back a step to get out of my limited space definitely was.

She put her huge purse on my side of the table when I got up to get lunch. Right in front of my chair. Acted like it was a huge inconvenience to move it when I got back. When I sat down, I had my feet propped up against the rails around my chair so she slid down in her chair and stretched out her feet on my side. I hit her foot when I put my feet down normally. Bitch stared at me over my laptop and basically challenged me to say something but it would have been hard since she apparently is deaf from having earphones plugged into her tiny little ears when they aren't stuck to a Blackberry or cute little pink Razer. I have never hated a stranger as much as I did her by the time we got off that train. Needless to say, I am soooooo grateful to be flying back on Thursday morning because, thank GOD, there are no cellphones on planes...........

Short on memories but it was funnnnnn....

After a long week full of sick kids, 40 hours at work and a minor illness of my own, I was ready to let my hair down and drink the pain away last night. Details are sketchy but here is what I do know. Most were retold to make sure I was truly shamed. Mission accomplished. Timeline of events follows....

7:15pm-Neighbor calls to inform me our husbands got completely trashed playing his new beer pong game. Go next door to retrieve completely intoxicated hubby.

7:20pm-I am roped into playing beer pong. I have already been drinking so probably not my best decision. Male neighbor goes to bed.

7:30pm-Quit beer pong because I am not a good player which equals I will be drinking. A lot.

8:30pm-Order food for delivery from local pizza and sandwich shop. Leave with neighbor to go pick up her son from a middle school dance.

8:40pm-Leave my beer in her car to go into school. Watch kids dance and even dance with my neighbor to the Black-Eyed Peas, Let's Get it Started. Luckily her son sees none of this.

9:00pm-Tease neighbor's son relentlessly over his slow dance with his girlfriend. Neither of them would look at each other when they were dancing. Awwwwww......

9:10pm-Back home and food is here. First I have to go put hubby to bed.

9:30pm-Food is eaten and we start doing vodka shots. I have already drank about 12 beers. NOT my best decision.

10:00pm-Someone calls Sam's cellphone. A woman is asking for him but won't tell me who it is. She hangs up and when I try to call her back she won't answer. I finally figure out it is our other neighbors so I run to get my cellphone so I can call her partner. She answers and they are drinking too.

10:05pm-Why not combine our parties? We jump in the car to drive one street over and crash their house. I give my neighbor a tour of their house before I even introduce them ; )

10:20pm-Stagger down the road with Jen while Amy and their company all cram into neighbor's car for the ride back.

*The following events will be told from other people's points of view and not my own. I can neither confirm or deny there validity but I can guarantee they are embellishing or flat-out lying.

10:30pm-I try and open the refrigerator to get another beer but the door won't open with my weight against it. So I slide down to the floor and pass out on it.

10:31pm-Neighbor comes back down to the garage after being a responsible parent and checking on the kids to find me passed out on her floor in front of the refrigerator with a garage full of people she has known for 21 minutes. Hee hee.

10:35pm-Neighbor and Amy drag me upstairs to neighbor's son's bed. I freak out because Sam is home passed out but neighbor assures me kids are fine and will sleepover as well.

10:40pm-Neighbor takes my keys and, with Jen, goes to tell Sam of my unfortunate demise. Sam is woken to two women in his bedroom. It totally does not matter to him that one of them doesn't like guys. I am sure he will remember that awakening forever. He comes back over to neighbor's house to hang out with her since he knows at least two of the people at her house that she doesn't.

10:40pm-4:30am-No real clue what is happening since I am passed out. Apparently I got up at some point because I wake up on the floor of neighbor's daughter's room.

4:40am-Sam and neighbor find me on my knees on floor with hands outstretched wailing because I can't find the girls. They are puzzled by two things. One, how did I wind up in the daughter's room and two, why am I wet? I am curious about this as well. Did I spill something, I ask? No, there is nothing laying around on the floor. Yep, I peed myself on the floor of their daughter's room.

5:00am-Neighbor's husband is up and we all say good night/morning.

12:00pm-Neighbor's are back and want to know when I am going to clean the floor. And ask if I am ready to go to a cook-out at their friends house. I love my neighborhood.

Admitting I have a problem

As I was sitting in traffic this morning I saw a Coors Light delivery truck driving the opposite direction on the interstate. I smiled because it was going in the direction of my neighborhood.

Does it mean I have a problem that at 7:40am I was already counting down to my first beer?

Boston Bound

We are gearing up for a work trip to Boston. Most of our vendors are located there and what ones aren't there are traveling with us. It was originally scheduled for late February but got pushed back twice due to work-related hell that came up. Not that the hell has passed but we have to renegotiate our major contract there before a big HR pow-wow in early April.

So, we leave Monday morning on the Acela train. We get to stay at a posh Marriott hotel downtown and we arrive on St. Patrick's Day afternoon. Which means once we check in and get freshened up, we get to go out and party like we're Irish ; ) Our itinerary includes a nice dinner out at some steak restaurant downtown and Formula 1 racing. All of this activity crammed into 3 days because we come home Thursday morning.

Is it sad that the most exciting thing for me isn't on the itinerary because it is that I get a whole king-sized bed to myself with no one to bother me? Ahhhhhhh, I just can't wait!!!

I COULD be helping but WHY should I??

This is what is happening in my house right now even as I type. We switched out our carpets to hardwood floors last March and are just now doing the stairs. To be fair, we started the pool in June so we didn't have much chance to finish the stairs. But it was well overdue since the nasty blue carpet looked mostly brown due to mud being tracked into the house and various popsicle drippings being carried down to the rec room. Work started at 9am sharp. Sam has a co-worker over to help who only charges us $20 an hour for very labor-intensive work. I could help to speed up the process in someway I'm sure but I have been very busy this morning.

These things will not do themself so I have been hard at work on.......

- Playing Scrabble on Facebook. Did you know this is addictive? Neither did I!! I do now.....

- Rearranged my home office space. This was very important since I am working from home on Monday. (Did you get that I have a 3-day weekend? LOL!)

- Realized that I can't possibly work all day on Monday on the couch with a laptop and wireless mouse so had to go to Staples.

- Went to Staples for a contour lap desk. Boy, is it comfy on my lap and roomy enough for my wireless mouse.

- Picked up Wendy's for the guys. It was a sacrifice but I am a giver and can't fight my nature.

- Answering Sam's cellphone. Holy crap, he is BUSY people!! Everyone knew he was working on this today but they keep calling and bothering me. I have talked to two of his friends and his father. I don't like talking to his father so this is why I am putting this under work.

- Playing Scrabble on Facebook. I am determined to get my rating over 1,700. People can be real snobs on ratings and don't want you to accept their game invitation if you have a ranking under 1,700.

Now if I can figure out how to keep my mouse from sliding off my lap desk sometime before it is time to start drinking, I will consider this day a smashing success!!!

Another Blonde Moment in My Life

I rarely find humor in my own stupidity but occasionally, I have to stop and laugh at myself. Although I am not a stupid person in general I can be pretty boneheaded at times. In those moments, you would never know I graduated with Honors for a Business Administration degree. Sheesh.

Growing up in the primative 80's we never had a dishwasher. It wasn't until I had my first apartment in San Antonio 13 years ago that I had one. Even though we were in an apartment, I have always waited until everyone showered before running the dishwasher. When we moved to our first house and had a much smaller hot water tank than an apartment building has, I became fanatical about when I would run the dishwasher.

When we remodeled our kitchen last year we replaced our old-as-dirt dishwasher with a fancy-schmancy model. We pulled out the old one and installed it (yes, us amateurs had to install it since Sears has a policy about letting their installers do it if you have copper piping to the dishwasher which we do) after much bickering and slap fights. Yes, I'm exaggerating but it would have felt good after working in too close quarters for far too long with Sam. Dishwasher was installed and everything worked.

About two weeks ago, I was asked a question about the dishwasher and it got me thinking about when we installed it and the events surrounding it (leaky new sink, problems with the height of the dishwasher vs. new granite countertops, etc.) and it occured to me when we were lowering the dishwasher so the countertops could be installed, that the water that leaked as a consequence of the pipes being pushed (everything ties in and this is why Sears doesn't deal with copper pipes) and the river of water that flooded out from underneath the dishwasher until I could get it stopped. The water was cold. Why wasn't it hot if it was going into the dishwasher? Then I remembered REPLACING the water feed from the sink valves (COLD) into the new dishwasher line. So I knew a year ago that the water going into the dishwasher is cold yet I still worried about using all the water in the hot water tank to run a load of dishes? I told you I can be really dense.

This also brings to mind a favorite memory of my mother's that she loves to pull out and tell when we are in a crowded room of people who might be thinking that I am a smart person. It goes back to when I was a small child to when I was growing up. My grandfather used to tell me all the time how special I was to him because I was his favorite granddaughter. I would immediately puff up with pride (my mother's words, not mine) and smile from ear to ear. As SHE tells it, I was 14 years old before she finally got tired of it and said, "Have you not figured out yet that you are his ONLY granddaughter?".

Why I Love My Job

This is an exact copy of an e-mail I received this morning from my boss. I swear I couldn't make this up if I tried.

From: Him

To: Me and 2 co-workers

Subject: Projects Assignment Party

You are all cordially invited to visit as a Group at 2pm today so that I can assign work, increase your work load and stress level and generally demoralize you with ridiculously short deliverable timeframes.

Look forward to seeing you, and I will send a meeting invite so no one forgets.

Thank you

THIS is why I love my job. I have the coolest department ever.

My Father, My Brother, My Son

My dad lived 32 years on this earth. In that short time he was a loved son, brother, father, husband and friend. He was also an avid hunter and served in the US Navy in Cuba during the Vietnam War. Although I was not yet 6 years old when he died, I have memories of him and think of him daily. I spent time as a child wondering how my life would be different with him in it and sometimes think that as an adult. The difference is when I think of him now I don't know that my life would have been better if he had lived. That's not to say that I wouldn't have wanted him in my life. He was an alcoholic and made some poor choices but the truly sad part is that he never got a chance to turn that around and become the man he had the potential to be. I wonder how it would have felt to have my dad there when my heart was broken the first time and when his grandchildren were born. My life was spent wondering what could have been.

My brother is 17 months younger than me and he grew up lost in his world. He didn't have a father to guide and teach him. My grandfather (dad's father) tried to help him and loved him unconditionally but he never tried to replace his son and stuck to the grandfather role. My brother has a heart of gold and would give you anything you asked him for without hesitation. I, on the other hand, was stingy and didn't like to share anything with him. We grew up at odds and didn't want much to do with each other. That's not to say I didn't look out for him but we had so much shared pain that it was hard to lean on each other. Even without our dad in our lives, my brother is my dad's son in every way. He does things to excess including drinking and doesn't think things through before acting. He is probably bi-polar but has never been diagnosed. When he was 19 he did his first "county-sponsored vacation" and has had a hard time breaking the cycle. There were many factors and reasons but, for times sake, I won't go into it. The last "visit" lasted 17 months and he has been out since January 2007. He is the same age right now as our dad was when he died.

All of this brings me to my son. My son is 11 years old and thinks nothing is ever his fault. Everything that happens to him is related back to something or someone else and, in his mind, is not as a result of anything he did. We struggle with getting him to see that his actions are the cause of most of his problems but it is like talking to a wall. There have been many times I have walked away after an arguement with him and muttered my brother's name under my breath because that is exactly what my brother thought as well. But my son is also so caring and would give you the shirt off his back if you asked or he thought you needed it. He loves to shoot his bow and arrows when we visit my mom's in Missouri but would never kill an animal. He loves to torment his sister but is also fiercely protective of her.

In so many ways I see my brother in my son. It is frustrating but also endearing. My brother is so much like my dad and my son has so many of the same qualities of my brother. The habits and mentalities are very similar even though they rarely see each other. Is this a peek at what my dad was like when he was growing up? I know it is similar to my brother when he was growing up. Maybe I am clutching at anything to keep a connection to my dad but in some ways, I think it is his way of letting me know that he will always be with me and to help break the cycle that he never was able to. It is a stretch but I refuse to let my son go through the pain that my father and brother did by accepting and learning from the past and doing everything I can to change the future for him. That's not something that my dad's mother would have been able to or my mother can say.