Playing hooky

I've been a mother since I was 21. I worked full-time until my second child was born and then decided to take a few years "off" (if you don't know why those quotes are there then you are obviously not a parent or involved aunt/uncle ; ) to enjoy my kid's childhoods and finish my degree. It was great to spend the time focused on my kids and I cherish those days because I know they will never come again. But in the process, I never really developed my own identity separate from my mother moniker and as my kids get older I struggle to find just who that person is and what she wants from life.

One of the things I am not accustomed to is doing pretty much anything without a child beside me. We don't go out a lot without them and I hardly leave the house with at least one begging to go too. Several of my friends are known to take a day or two off periodically with the kids in school and their husbands at work to catch up things they want and need to do. This never occurs to me since I usually have a crappy vacation policy at whatever job I am at or it wasn't possible when I stayed at home with the kids. Usually I save all my vacation for a measly week off with the family and any various illnesses that come up with the kids during the year. My current job's vacation policy rocks though and I get 3 weeks of vacation, 5 days of sick and 2 personal days. No more stretching it as thin as it will go especially since I can work from home when the kids are sick so I don't have to waste a day off.

Last week was so stressful that on Monday when I was looking down the barrel of a full week of unknowns, I decided to do the unthinkable. I e-mailed my boss and requested a personal day. And didn't tell Sam until my boss approved. I didn't want him trying to make any plans for me or offering to take the day off too. Immediately I e-mailed my close girlfriend (also my neighbor) and asked her if she would be interested in a long lunch with a few cocktails. The reason I love her is because of her immediate enthusiasm and she responded quickly with approval.

Of course my guilt got the best of me and I offered to go to my daughter's school for the morning. The class will take turns reading to me but that actually sounds cool to me. It will make the time go fast as I sit and figure out what I will be drinking when I get out of there.....

Preparing for a painful death

Once upon a time, I was a workout queen. On average, I walked or jogged 20-24 miles a week and did Winsor Pilates 5-6 times a week. I went from a size 18 after having my daughter to a 6-8 and lost 75 pounds. Then the inevitable slide began. I gained about 20-25 pounds back and barely log 4-8 miles a week and hardly ever fit in a Pilates workout. And I sit here a size 10-12 now. Doesn't sound awful but when people were always commenting on how much I had lost and now look at me like "WTF happened?", I get a bit self-conscious. It is time to do something about it especially when bathing suit season is around the corner.

So like I always do when I want quick (and unattainable) results, I go extreme. We ordered the p90X system by Tony Horton this weekend and it should be here later this week. I have NO idea what I have done to myself and suspect that I am going to wind up watching the workouts from the floor with my arms flung out like flat tires and crying like a newborn baby. Even at my fittest, my arms were the least toned part on my body because, let's face it, the only lifting I enjoy is the beer from the table to my mouth.

The e-mail came today that said the system is in the mail and will be here in a few days. Honestly, I shivered when I read that e-mail. This is one time I am seriously hoping the mail system breaks and loses my package. Wish me luck and don't hate me if I am blogging next week with my nose.

Not such a good week.....

For the most part, I love my job. My boss is the best boss I have ever had and my co-workers are all parents and understanding of sick kids, homework club and snow/ice days. If I need to work from home they are accomodating and don't give me a hard time. I guess there was bound to be a "rough spot" and I found it this week.

It started at the beginning of March when my boss sent that hilarious e-mail about giving us projects that would have ridiculous turn-around times. Boy, he wasn't kidding. One of the projects I was assigned was extensive but it was completed last year and "only needed the data refreshed with current population demographics". No biggie, right? WRONG!

We recently went through a payroll conversion which means all of the data I needed to refresh was in the new system (with no access to the old information) and it is a mess. I can't rely on the numbers I was getting out of it so I worked around it. Plus I had two other projects to complete by the end of March. All of this had to be done in time for a big executive meeting that was yesterday. Throw in our week of lost work from the trip to Boston and I was in a serious crunch. I haven't been with the company for long so I asked a co-worker that worked on the first project for help. She showed me what data to refresh and let me go.

Fast forward to yesterday. Boss is STRESSED out and asking for the data. I give it to him and he comes back out with a graphic I had never before laid eyes on and asked about it. Said I had never seen it and if he could tell me where he got his data, I would do my best to recreate it. He said to get with co-worker when she got in to work on it before the afternoon meeting. So I did. And she had never seen it before either. LONG story short, the presentation was not ready to go before the big executive meeting that afternoon. Boss was PISSED. He yelled at co-worker and she was pissed at me all morning today. We had a staff meeting where a second co-worker brought up the fact that if we are having trouble on a project or need help, we need to be vocal and not let it fall through the cracks. I had to stop her there and say that I knew they were looking directly at me on this but that for the record, I did what I was told needed to be done and that he never showed me the graphic before yesterday. To say I was upset is an understatement. I am fairly new and don't have all the 401(k) experience that they do besides the fact that I didn't work on the original project so didn't really know what to "refresh" and relied on co-worker's explanation.

I need to get over it. When I get upset I tend to overreact and I don't want to do that here. I love my job and need to learn how to take my lumps and let it go as lesson learned. But the child in me wants to throw a fit and storm off. At what age does one finally grow up?

Another WTF moment in my life....

Scene: Me minding my own business alternating work with clock-watching (come ON 4:30!) Enter ringing phone. It wasn't even my line but a shared line we all have and I was the only one available to answer. So I do. BIG mistake. Actual conversation follows....

Me: HR, this is Me.

She: Yes ma'am. My name is Jane Doe and I am trying to find out if I can transfer my dental insurance. I left the company and moved and want to know if I can keep the dental insurance.

Me: Well I'm not sure. This is the 401(k) department and we don't handle the medical or dental benefits. Let me see if I can find someone to help you with this. Can you hold?

She: Yes.

I walk down the hall to our benefits call center where not a freaking soul is to be found. No one. Do they not stagger lunches at all? I return to my cube.

Me: Ma'am, I'm sorry. There is no one available right now (read: they are all busy getting drunk on margaritas at Joe's Crab Shack) to answer this question but I would be happy to take a message and have them return your call as soon as they come back (think to self, Don't trust anything they say after a 3-hour liquid lunch).

She: Ok.

Me: Great. Ok, you said your name was Jane Doe. Can I get your number?

She: Yes, it is 555-1234.

Me: And what is the area code?

She: 555

Me: Yes, I have the 555-1234 already. What is your area code?

She: Oh, it is 3847 Winston Place...

Me: Ma'am, I need your area code.

She: You need what?

Me: Your AREA CODE.

She: It is 555.

seriously falling out of my chair

Me: So if I am going to call you back I am going to dial 555-555-1234

She: Hold on a second while I grab a pen to write that down.

silently banging my head on the back of my chair

Me: Ma'am, I am asking about the number for us to return your call not for you to call!! If I call you back I am going to dial 555-555-1234?

She: Oh, no. You are going to dial 554.

Me: Ok, so 554-555-1234?

She: Yes.

Me: Ok ma'am. Someone will return your call as soon as possible.

Surprise! It turns out 554 isn't really an area code so no one will be returning her call anytime at all. Argh!

Shhhh, listen. It's quiet here....

I am the coolest wife EVER. Sam took half the day off to go out to lunch and do some early drinking with our neighbor. Apparently neighbor and neighbor's brother-in-law roped him into going out to West Virginia (enter hillbilly banjos) to go to the titty bars. Sam was upfront with me and I was fine with it. Neighbor called and tried to feed me the bullshit story he is telling his wife and sister (to cover for his brother-in-law) and I was cool until the end when I said "Have fun at the titty bar." and he broke up laughing. Their wives would NOT be happy if they knew.

So now I get the whole evening to myself. My daughter is happily playing Webkinz on the other computer and my son is down the street at a friend's house. Why is it that when Sam is gone it is so much quieter and life is more relaxed? I love the man dearly but he is a huge source of crazy in this house......

Pain in the Neck. Literally.

The weekend before I left for Boston was pretty crazy even by our standards. I passed out on the floor of my neighbor's garage, peed on their daughter's bedroom floor, and then started all over again the next day at a friend of theirs house. We wound up staying the night on an inflatable mattress in their living room (no pee this time, thank GOD!) to avoid driving 45 minutes home severely impaired. Sleeping on that mattress really did a number on my neck and I only made it worse sleeping in an unfamiliar bed with too-hard foam pillows in Boston. To make matters even worse, I got hit from behind pretty hard while Formula 1 racing.

So today I mustered up the energy to trek off to the doctor and have my neck examined. She had me do some resistance exercises to prove that I CAN move it which I already told her I could. Problem being that it hurts like hell to move it. If someone walks up behind or beside me I turn my whole body to acknowledge them to avoid moving my neck. The doctor basically listened, patted my neck, listened to my breathing and gave me a prescription for Flexeril and Relafan. I'm no expert but how is a muscle relaxant supposed to do any good for me if I have to take it only when I go to bed because it will make me sleepy? What you've just told me is that I will only be relaxed when I sleep. Um ok. That is when I am pain-free anyway. The pain exists when I'm AWAKE.....

In Boston on St. Patrick's Day. Sick.....

Train was not all it was cracked up to be by the boss. Listening to extremely obnoxious investment banker on cellphone from Newark, NJ to Boston was not the highlight of the ride. Kicking her in the foot because she would not move her Jimmy Choo's back a step to get out of my limited space definitely was.

She put her huge purse on my side of the table when I got up to get lunch. Right in front of my chair. Acted like it was a huge inconvenience to move it when I got back. When I sat down, I had my feet propped up against the rails around my chair so she slid down in her chair and stretched out her feet on my side. I hit her foot when I put my feet down normally. Bitch stared at me over my laptop and basically challenged me to say something but it would have been hard since she apparently is deaf from having earphones plugged into her tiny little ears when they aren't stuck to a Blackberry or cute little pink Razer. I have never hated a stranger as much as I did her by the time we got off that train. Needless to say, I am soooooo grateful to be flying back on Thursday morning because, thank GOD, there are no cellphones on planes...........