Where's the "In Case of Emergency, Pull Cord" when you need it?

Thanks Amanda for the sweet comment yesterday asking where I have been. It has been a rough month in my household and I haven't quite been up to the light mood I try and keep on my blog. I am a mother but use this blog to express who I am besides my mommy title. My kids mean everything to me but that isn't all I am. So I try not to make this a total mommy blog where I prattle on and on about my precocious snots.

But in order to explain where I have been (and not here), I have to say a few words about my son. He has been mentioned before in a few blogs and I touched very lightly on some of the issues we have with him. He was diagnosed with ADD 4 years ago and we made the difficult decision to medicate him. I researched alternative methods of treating his issues and they just didn't work the way medicine has. It has been a rollercoaster ride full of mostly uphill battles but we fight on so he does well in school and relates better to his peers.

My son can be wonderfully kind and sweet but lately we have seen a new side come out that is selfish, self-centered and unpleasant. Some say its because he is on the crusp of adolescence and hormones are developing. We bought that for a while. The mouth he lets say whatever it wants regardless of the hurtfulness of the words is a new development but we have talked to him about it rather than screaming which is what I am sure we would both prefer. He has become vindictive and manipulative. It has been trying to say the least.

A few months ago he called on his way home from school and said that a boy pushed him in the hallway causing him to go flying into his locker door and break his glasses. According to him this boy had been picking on him and calling him all kinds of mean names. I hesitate to intervene when it is name calling but when it became physical I rushed to the school and informed them I was filing a report with the police. Long story short, the police came and reviewed the survelliance tapes at the school and said there was no proof as the boy couldn't even be placed in the same area as my son. When the truth finally came out my son said that he lied so the boy would leave him alone.

About two months ago I was called by the school nurse that my son had been hurt in PE. His explanation was that he was sitting on a mat and a boy told him to move and son said no. The other boy grabbed him by the arm and pulled him off and caused a red mark around his wrist. I was furious and made sure the assistant principal saw the mark and took a report. The boy was suspended for a day. A few weeks ago, I found out that son lied about the mark and did it himself by rubbing his wrist. His reason? He was mad at the boy for telling him to move and trying to pull him off.

Over Memorial Day weekend we had some relatives down from NYC and a friend of son's came over to swim. They were all getting along and then son and his friend got into a fight. Sam told son to get out of the water and son screamed that he hated him. Sam took him into the house to talk to him and yes, he yelled at him outside in front of everyone but he never hit him. Wednesday after Memoria Day we got a call from CPS saying that they needed to interview us because of some marks on son's neck. We were stunned and met with CPS before we talked to son and when we confronted him about the marks he admitted he did them to himself to make his dad feel bad.

Needless to say we are beside ourselves at the mess we are in with this kid. Everything we do is never enough or right. When I took him to the pediatrician two weeks ago and told the doctor everything the doctor sat there with his mouth hanging open. He asked son how it made him feel to know that he got that other boy suspended for a day from school and son's response was "Bad?" like he wasn't sure how he was supposed to respond. One of son's only concerns after we had CPS called on us due to his lies was that his shoes that were ordered on-line hadn't come in yet. The doctor told me that son has no conscience and needs serious mental evaluation.

Tomorrow we start the process of getting him evaluated. Luckily we have a great satellite office of Children's Hopsital in DC and they have a pyschiatric department. I had to fill out pages and pages of paper for the appointment and he is so well defined in these pages. All of the "odd" things I have seen and heard were captured in these pages. I'm no psychiatrist but I'm thinking its not a good sign to be able to check so many yes's on those pages.

So dear Amanda and any other readers who are curious, that is where I have been. I apologize for being absent from your blogs and hope to get back soon. The other problem is we have had our internet time severely cut at work because of auditors and the boss buzzing around constantly like flies. Hope you all and your families are well and your summer is going great.

Forces of Nature

The pictures speak for their self....

I couldn't even tell you how this happened. We had a storm come through last night that reminded me seriously of growing up in Tornado Alley of the midwest. This tree did not get hit by lightning and barely made a sound when it went down. The fence is crushed under it.

Believe in Global Warming now???

Dog Days of Summer

Oh, that's right. Summer hasn't officially begun yet, has it? Then why the hell is the temperature over 90 degrees before noon? Did I accidentally move in the middle of the night to the Sahara Desert?

We're off to a pool party for daughter. It stinks because there will be tons of kids, no shade and no chairs. Daughter doesn't know it yet but we won't be staying long.

After the pool party we are off to watch the Belmont race. I'm totally lying. I'm not watching anything other than my empty beer cans pile up.

In Touch

It's amazing how much you can miss someone without realizing it. You don't even know that a piece of yourself is missing because you can't stay in contact with someone you love. Even if you haven't been able to keep in close contact for years.

My brother finally has e-mail. He sent pictures of himself and where he is working in Kansas City. His life is turning around (*knock on wood*) and he is working his butt off in a job where his past won't come back to bite him.

My soul is at peace in a way it hasn't been in many years. I don't constantly fear a ringing phone. Ringing phones at odd hours bring bad news. Arrests, jail fights, or bar fights. They all happen at odd hours.

For the first time in 15 years I can hear a phone ring and not worry about my brother. He e-mails me at odd hours but that is because of his work shift. And as long as he is working and proud of his work, he is ok. Being able to reach out to him and talk about everyday events rather than packing a year's worth of events into a 10-15 minute phone call is truly priceless.

That is all I have ever wanted. Isn't he sweet?

I love that kid so much. We went through the trenches of hell together and made it out the other side. It took him a little longer to crawl through but I watched him surface and spit over his shoulder. He's not going back.