What the HELL was I thinking???

At this very moment, I am the 'mother' to four kids. Yes, four. The count stands at two 12 year olds, 1 ten year old and 1 six year old. I must have been smoking something mighty fine when I offered this deal. Too bad I used it all up before they took me up on the offer......

When my son was 4 years old, he met a girl in daycare. He was enamored with her from the beginning. He was always reserved and quiet and she was outgoing and loud. They were both only children and had doting parents who paid attention to their every sneeze, cough and hiccup. Her mother was soon to be married to a man with 2 sons and we were soon to give him a littler sister and then they moved away. The good part of the story is that our kids introduced us to each other and we have been great friends who stayed in touch in spite of their move 45 minutes away.

Fast forward to 8 years later. The former 4 year olds are now 12 and each has sisters now. She even has brothers. I give my friend a ton of credit because in addition to the 2 sons she has essentially adopted, they decided to have one of their own. Yes, that equals 4 kids under one roof. I question her sanity every time we talk but she handles it much better than I ever could.

Our kids have grown up very different but neither of them has forgotten the beginning of their relationship. She has turned into a beautiful pre-teen who is determined (read bossy), educated (read opinionated), and determined to be heard (read loud as hell). Even through all of that, I still see the gutsy little girl who stood up for my defenseless little 4 year old and I adore her.

My son's birthday party is tomorrow and the only way she could attend is if her mother dropped her off tonight along with her younger stepbrother. They live over 45 minutes away and their plans tomorrow could not include a trip here. My son has struggled with friendships since we moved here 3 years ago and doesn't have a lot of friends coming tomorrow. So I said ok and they came tonight. As soon as her mother left, 'The Mouth' started. She has taken control of the WII, questioned both boys on their manhood and told us when she was getting in the pool in the morning.

After tolerating all I could, I looked at Sam and asked if it was bedtime yet. He looked at the clock and sadly informed it that it was only 8pm. Currently, I am drinking myself into a stupor and praying for an instant pass-out.

When I die, I know what hell will look like.....

One of the things we humans all have in common is the thoughts we have put into wondering what happens to us when we die. Maybe we spent nights as a child praying for forgiveness so we wouldn't wind up with that awful devil that parents and preachers spent so much time getting us to fear. It is one thing that no one can answer and we are all left to imagine where we will end up once our time on this earth is done. While not absolutely 100% certain, I am pretty sure after today I know what hell looks like. A knock-off Chuck E. Cheese.

Our daughter was invited there for a birthday party for the next door neighbor's daughter. It is a pretty cool place for a local joint considering we are in a small town. During the summertime they have go-carts, bumper boats, paintball, putt putt golf and a small roller coaster. Best part is it is 5 minutes from our house. During the summertime you never really venture inside except to get drinks, pretzels and load back up your card with credits. Wintertime? The outdoor stuff is closed down and you are forced inside into the Chuck E. Cheese style gallery with the noisy games, rockwall and laser tag.

Let me tell you, it is the bowels of hell. The noise alone makes you want to pull your own eyelashes out for a distraction. The obnoxious offspring of completely idiotic parents make you wish they served booze. Your own obnoxious offspring running from game to game shoving tickets at you to hold and whining when the tokens/credits run out? Enough to make you wish you could still take kids to the bathroom for a good old butt kicking without fear of the cops hauling you out of there in handcuffs. Then you get to feed the machine that counts all of their tickets up and it is guaranteed that at least half of the machines will be broken so you have to wait behind that one kid who feeds the machine one. ticket. at. a. time. UGH!!! Of course then you get to follow that same kid to the counter where he/she spends an incredibly ridiculous amount of time selecting his prizes. But then it gets SO much better. Now you get to explain to your own child how many points they have and what they can get for that amount. Then they select something that they don't have enough tickets for and you explain this in a sweet voice and ask if could they please move down to the side where the lower-priced prizes are easier to see?

After they go through 50 different scenarios and still haven't picked anything, you find yourself walking away from the counter while they demand to know why they didn't get to pick anything. With gritted teeth you snap that it is because they couldn't decide from anything they could actually get and that if it is that hard they should hold onto them and wait until next time when they can get something they really want. Their little eyes beg and implore you to go back so you turn around to get back on line. Only to find that same kid from the ticket-counting machine again who is picking 5-ticket prizes with like 500 total tickets.

Yes, when I die I am going to hell and THIS will be where I will have to spend it.